No Such Thing as MINOR Victories

There is no such thing as only a MINOR victory. Every victory should be called just what it is…a VICTORY. No matter the depth or weight in which it may appear to carry. It is still a victory and not to be dethroned by adding the word minor as a prefix. Stop hiding your quests in a corner or shoving them in the shadows of other seeming “larger” quests and celebrate each and every one!

Ran for a full 7.4 minutes today. Raised a wild turkey, if only for 3 days. Having a needed conversation I didn’t want to have and it went well. A friend giving just the words at just the right time. Found inspiration for a blog. Developed friendships all over the world. Washed dishes. Survived sand fly bytes. Still looking for any reason God created sand flies. Found the perfect stand-in teddy bear until I get home to my beloved Space (Yes, his name is Space, I was like 5). Moved to another country and fit in quite well. Discovered how good Swiss chocolate is especially when received from a Swiss friend :) Talked to friends and family all day long. Own a motor cycle and know how to drive it!!!! Reminded that every day starts new. Got off my bed and exercised. Learning how to focus on the good. I fit back into my pants, if only for 3 days. Discovered it is possible to fit back into my pants. Learned how to drive manual on the left side of the road with a 11 passenger van on gravel roads. Concord feeding 40 people everyday for 3 months. Ran around in a rain storm and got drenched. Spun in circles with arms out and head back in the middle of Christchurch square. Read a book in 3 days. And then another. Continually finding children at the door looking for me. My computer works! Having a well needed cry. Friends cooking for me. Overcoming myself and pushing through the hard lessons to grow. Being inspired by a T.V. show…

What are your victories?

DTS 2009

Reaching a point in life were it seemed my faith had hit a plateau, a big leap needed to be taken for any change to happen. Hearing about the adventure program at Oakridge I knew that was my leap. I threw myself into everything from the get go wanting to get as much out of every moment as possible. The more I let go the more gifts God gave, for example writing poetry for the first time in my life. If there was one word to describe my DTS it would be FREEDOM.

Shadrach, Meshach, & Abed-Nego

One night while sleeping in a hut in Vanuatu (an island country next to Figi) I shook myself awake from a horrible dream. Normally my slumber is nightmare free, but not this night. The fear was so paralyzing just leaving bed was out of the question so I grabbed a bible and read. The word “furnace” kept coming to mind which lead to the story of Shadrach, Meshach, & Abed-Nego. Just finishing the story one of the girls in my room woke up which helped dissipate the fear. We both went back to sleep nightmare free. Waking in the morning I thought the night was all a bit strange but glad the fear was gone. Not knowing why any of this happened continued with my day.

A few days latter I found myself amidst a group of children gathering to pray. The Mama leading the children asked a few minutes before the meeting if I could share a story with the children. Ahh ha! I had just the story to tell! After sharing about Shadrach, Meshack, & Benny to these children I continued to tell the story all over Vanuatu. It showed how God really can use bad situations for His good.

Chief

Out of our team of 7, yours truly was the oldest at age 28 and the youngest was 19. We stayed in many different villages while on the islands of Vanuatu. It seemed like the entire village came to greet us as we walked into each new place. Everyone lined up to shake our hands and say hello. The first place we stayed I heard a faint “Christina, Christina”. I looked at the girls in the room, “is someone calling me?” I went outside to find Mama looking for me to say dinner was ready and please tell the others. This seems like a very natural situation but the odd thing was she walked past half our team to tell me. The next morning while we were all still in our beds I hear the same faint call “Christina, Christina breakfast is ready. I look at the other girls and we all start laughing that she called me again seeing I am not even a leader. Why does she keep calling to me?

This continued to happen in every other village we stayed. We continued to crack up ever time. Our leader asked me “why do they keep calling to you?” I laughed and told her they must all know that I am the chief of our group. From then on she referred to me as chief. One of the villages the mama guest straight away who was the oldest and youngest. Instinct of a mother I guess. We may never know the true reason I became the chief.

Not a Foreigner!

The Lord has a way of bringing encouragement just when we need. Reading the bible one evening a verse just about jumped off the page. I found myself reading it again, then again, and again. It read “Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone.” Ephesians 2:19-20. Reading this scripture realizing that as an American coming from New Zealand and staying in Vanuatu I was living out this scripture. The Ni-vans took us in as their family and I was definitely not a foreigner in a foreign land!! Scripture became alive at this point and I realized the magnitude of my family. All of my families have blessed me so much! I am beginning to realize how Paul felt when he wrote to his friends telling them he wished he could be with them but he had to remain. My family is now spread all over the world from the U.S. to Germany to Canada to Ireland to Switzerland to Singapore to Vanuatu and beyond! I love you all!

Alone

Alone
11 May 2009

Who of us does not feel alone in a crowded room?
All by ourselves though surrounded by love?
Clouded by the lies that flood our heads.
Crying out in silence and no one hears.
The lies come louder…
You are alone!
No one cares!
You have no friends!
YOU ARE ALONE!!!

What can silence lies but truth?
The truth that not one of us is alone.
That when we reach out to one another in our hurt,
A wound can heal a wound.
The truth that none of us are alone!
Open your eyes and look around.
See with new eyes that no one reaches out to you
Because they are hurting too!
In your loneliness and pain reach out to the ones you once despised
For not reaching out to you.
Love in your pain and see what happens.

Love

Love
1 May 2009

The world says love lifts us up where we belong.
It says love is a many splendid things.
They constantly tell us about love,
But what do they show us about love?

Is love a one night stand?
Is love someone who sings outside your window in the rain?
Is love something that burns bright for a bit and then fizzles away?

What is it?
Does it have to be fought for?
Is it given freely?
Does someone out there really “complete me”?

We have been shown that love can fade.
Love can be found in a bottle.
It is a feeling.
It has little value and is easily replaced.
Love is a man or a woman.
Love is sex.
Love is physical.
Somewhere along the way someone got it wrong!

What is the truth?
What is Love?

The truth is without love we are nothing.
Love suffers and does not give up.
Love does not envy.
Love does not parade itself.

Love is not puffed up.
Love does not behave rudely.
It does not seek its own.
It is not provoked.

Love thinks no evil.
Love does not rejoice in iniquities, but in the truth.
Love bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things!

Love never fails.

Who I Trust

Who I Trust
10 April 2009

It is You who I trust.
I lean on no other,
For when I do I fall.

It is You who I trust.
Not my money,
Which quickly fades away.

It is You who I trust.
Not the sun in the sky,
Which clouds cover and hide.

It is You who I trust.
Not the car that I drive,
Which can putter and die.

It is You who I trust.
Not the food on my plate,
Which is eaten and gone.

It is You who I trust.
Not a song in my ear,
Which comforts and ends.

For what are these things but
Nothing without you?

Hide and Seek

Hide and Seek
30 April

1-2-3 here I come!
Daddy, daddy where are you?

My child I am everywhere
I am in the clouds
And in the breeze.
I am in the light
And in the dark.
I am in the grass
And in the sea.
Keep looking and you will find me.

When you find me it is my turn to search for you.

Falling

Falling
30 April

A pit?
A cave?
A rabbit hole?
Falling, falling, falling.
Not knowing up from down,
Surrounded by the absence of light.

Falling, falling, falling
Is there a bottom?
Is there an end?
Surly I will sprain an ankle
Or break a limb if the end is found.

Floating, floating, floating down
Into an abyss.
All that is known is that it is unknown.
No sky, no ground, no wind, no light.

What time is it?
What day is it?
What year is it?
Falling, falling, falling

Falling into the unknown.

Holding Back

Holding Back
2 April 2009

What are the things I can not see?
The things that hold me back?
Show me the dark places hiding in my soul,
The hidden closets where secrets like to go.
Expose them with gentleness and wash them away.
Bring light to the darkness in my heart.
Bring light oh Lord and make me clean!

Response:

I adore you my child! I am here for you. I have already washed you clean with the blood of my son! Live in that freedom of being clean. You have been reborn and made new! Live in the freedom you already have!!! Your closets have already been opened and cleaned. I have already washed you and made you pure! You were born into me not into sin! Live in me not the bondage of a lie!

Your Daddy

Let him Go

Let him Go
31 March 2009

Let Him go my child,
Let Him go.

I gave him to you for a little while
To teach you who I am.

Let Him go little child,
Let Him go.

You have learned what I wanted him to teach you,
Now it is my turn to step in.

Let him go little child,
Let him go.

You have grown
And many lessons have you learned.

Let him go my daughter,
Let him go.

Trust in me now,
Learn from my teachings.

Let him go my daughter,
I am here!

Small Voice

Small Voice

31 March 2009

I know you hear me but are you listening?

You ask me questions but seldom do you listen to my answers.

I would like to share my life with you but I’m not sure how.

How can you know who I am if the words I say are lost among your thoughts?

Am I speaking to softly?

I’m sure that can not be the case.

I will keep trying to answer you but I don’t know how long I can talk to you while your hands are over your ears.

I learn that intimacy comes with being fully known by another and finding significance in that relationship.

I want you to fully know me but I need you to take your hands off your ears and listen.

I am hear wanting to be fully known, are you ready to listen to my small voice?

Shame

Shame
31 March 2009

In her mind she sat in the corner with her knees pulled to her chin held there tightly with crossed arms. Usually her head was collapsed on the top with her eyes squeezed shut trying to trap the tears from escaping. She felt safe and untouchable in this place. If she hid her eyes from seeing others then maybe they could not see her. She couldn’t see the truth in who she was, instead she hid her beauty in hope that no one would see. She felt weak alone and untalented. The lies had crept in and tangled themselves into the truth like a poisonous vine. Her shame went deeper than she realized as she tried to drown out reality. She was covered in so much undeserved shave she could hardly stand. She dare not cry in fear of being heard and forced to leave her imaginary corner. Little did she know her corner was filled with people doing the same thing. All tangled together in the lies, yet none of them had any idea because they all feared to look up.

FREEDOM

We had an impromptu worship session this morning and sang the song Freedom Reigns in This Place. FREEDOM...What does that word really mean to you? No really, stop and ponder what does freedom look like in your life?

If freedom were a color, to me it would be Green. The sound of cows mooing reminds me of freedom and brings a smile to my face every time I hear one. Tall tree houses and the sound of trains are freedom from adulthood. Mowing lawns and digging gardens are freedom from a desk. Waterslides and stickball games are freedom from solitude. Cutting off all of your hair and not thinking twice about it is freedom from image. The Milky Way seems to be freedom from the world if only for a second, until reality gently glides us back to earth. The ocean is freedom from thinking we are big and important. Long hikes through the forest are freedom from thinking we are in control. Hugs from friends are freedom from loneliness. Good teachings are freedom from ignorance.

So what is freedom? Can it be had or found simply in the things we see and do or is it bigger? Is freedom something we can obtain on our own? Maybe to an extent we can find freedom. Have you found it yet? I think the only way to find true whole freedom is in letting go of everything, realizing we really can do nothing on our own. True Freedom comes when you can say here is my life Lord, I am finished trying to live on my own and trust that YOU are in control. When I let God take over what do I possibly have to worry about? He is in control that is the ultimate FREEDOM.

What do you DO for a living?

I have discovered that quitting my job has opened the doors for me to share my faith! Generally when you meet someone new the first question is "what is your name." quickly followed by "so, what is it you do for a living?". In the past the answer has always been the description of a job I had at the time. Now, for the first time I have no job to confuse the truth of what I actually do for a living. That TRUTH being how I try to love those around me and pray those people see the joy and peace I have because of the relationship I have with God. So, what do I DO for a living? Simply put I trust the Lord and tell those around me the truth about God. Finally the scripture that says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1Peter 3:15 makes so much sence!


Many people are also asking me why I quit my job, especially in the present economy. When faced with this question I am given the opportunity to share a bit about what I will be doing. I share about Youth With A Mission and that the reason for leaving the country is to study the bible and serve people. Already a few amazing conversations have started from that little question. It seems like a crazy time to be walking away from a steady income but I know there is so much more for me than a 9-5 job in an office staring at a computer. I need sunshine, fresh air, and people! Yes, all of those things are in California, so why the need to leave the country? My desire is to grow into a woman after God's heart, much like King David (minus the whole Bethshiba part). One way to get closer to this goal is to trust the Lord with everything. Leaving everything I have known behind...friends, family, $ in a savings account, American culture, and yes, even my cell phone, I will have no other option but to trust the Lord.

Here I go in my leap of faith knowing that the Lord will bless me as I trust Him that all of my needs will be met. If you would like to help provide for me financially just click on the donate button above and Paypal will make sure I receive any funds you might like to contribute.

Thanks Friends!

What do you do for a living?
-C

Moving!

Word on the street is that I have joined an organization called Youth With A Mission (Y.W.A.M.) and am heading out to New Zealand for several months. Its TRUE!!!

All I know at this point is that I fly out of LAX March 12 and arrive at the Auckland airport March 14. OK, I know a little bit more such as, I will be studying and training in New Zealand for 3 months and then out serving people somewhere in the world for another 3 months. Most of you are probably tired of hearing this part, but once I actually leave the country I'm sure my blogs will become more exciting :)

The empty boxes which have been sitting in my garage for the last few months are starting to get filled! I thought it was a good time since my move out date is tomorrow. The reality of how big a life change I am making might set in a bit when my room is left with empty white walls and ghost like furniture leaving only reminders in the carpet of their existence. It is getting closer and closer!

Many things are coming together but it seems like there is still so much to be done before I leave. Luckily I gave myself a month to get ready which is looking like it will be perfect. I suppose I should go finish packing, just wanted to introduce you all to my blog which will be updated as much as possible while I am away.

-C